Upbringing with Humour, Humour in life - A critical lifeskill Part 2

Humour eases pain....we all know that, but do you know that it can have the same effect even on a 2-year old ? I first realised the power of humour when my two-year old daughter once fell down and hurt herself. I made an on-the-spot 'experimental' decision that day, to smile, clap hands as if it were a game and lift her with a swing ! I swung her around, laughing all the time. I must confess, that the first time I did that, I wasn't sure about how she would react. Neither was I sure if I was doing the correct thing, or just sending her confusing signals. I asked myself, if I had a better idea ? I could just go to her with a sympathetic 'ooohhhh, my baby', bundle her in my arms, fuss over her and acknowledge her pain. Not an incorrect reaction either, however I chose the former.

The first reaction from her was that of confusion. She looked at me (and my domestic helper who followed my cue) with an expression of 'one about to cry in 'pause' mode, reworking her reaction and finally a half-smile ! The whole 30-second act of clapping with gusto-swirling her around and cheering, made her think she had done something funny, so she joined us in the celebrations ! We had avoided a weepy scene ! It worked for almost a year, till she realised that it was time she took the lead in declaring the appropriate emotion for the occasion ! Needless to say, this modus operandi was used for minor issues, whereas in the more serious cases, the child's emotions were ratified through love and sympathy.

How do we add humor to the lives of 6-9 year olds ? Well, we do funny physical things...kick one another under a table, wink and say funny things to fool each other, parents engage in light conversation, exaggered expressions and not-so-serious arguments, all the while helping to instill a sense of humour in the child. Certain TV programs like 'Full House' , 'Zack and Cody', 'Mr. Bean', 'Laurel and Hardy/Charlie Chaplin (are they still aired ?)' and my all time favourite (of which I cannot find a dvd at any store today...if any of my readers have a lead, please send me an email. I will be grateful for life) ...The Cosby Show !

The 9-12 year-olds can handle caustic humour and its a good age to introduce them to subtle one liners with a raised eyebrow or a one-sided smile or a twinkle-in-the-eye for effect. As they advance in their 'education in the field of humour' they can be introduced to the poker faced brand. Here again, I would rate 'Hannah Montanna', 'Lizzie McGuire', and in the Hindi category, 'Sarabhai vs. Sarabhai' very high ! I would rate 'Just for laugh gags' on Pogo as another source of laughter for all age groups. They have something for everybody. I was fortunate to be raised on a diet of British humour (not that I had much choice, with only Doordarshan to watch during my childhood !) and once addicted to that brand, its difficult to appreciate most other brands ! I most certainly do not subscribe to the 'Laughter Challenge' brand...however that's a personal choice.

Include humor as part of your daily routine when referring to members of the family. 'Er...do you think, mom will emerge from the bathroom for tonight's dinner engagement or tomorrow's ?' 'So Dad's horizontal straight after lunch, what do you think are the chances he will go shopping with us ?' 'Dad's being grouchy..mamma's had a small fight with him, come lets go and tickle him and make him laugh...then we'll all play a game together'. 'Shwetank, are you preparing for a hurdle race in your room ? What are the rules ?' 'Pinch me, am I dreaming or is dad wearing his sneakers to go for a walk ?' 'Are your hair scared of me or is this your new look ? (spiked hair)' 'Disha you are looking so yummy I want to eat you up !(to a 3-year-old)'

Use humour when tempers are high..between spouses, parent and child, amongst children. Just when the siblings have murder written in their eyes and one has picked a chair to throw on the other, walk in with a smile and say into an imaginary microphone, '....and the first position of the WEIGHT-LIFTING championship goes to Sahil !' or '....and now the chair's in the air and the opponent Sanchit is eyeing the study-table....will he lift it or not, we will be back with you soon after the break .....' I'm guessing two sheepish sons will look at you and start giving you their points of view. The same evening have a mock fight with your husband in the presence of your children and pick up the chair in a second and tell him....'now you lift the bed....this is the way to have a real fight !'. Jump around with imaginary boxing gloves, as if ready for a match. Again, two grinning monkeys will look at you and the family can have a joint laugh ! Many lessons will be learnt here. You will also teach children that arguments are resolved through discussion and not violence.

Just today, while we were in an elevator on the way to a party (which we were already late for), the high strung husband and daughter duo decided to fight. Over an issue almost as serious as global warming......'he touched me' ........ 'she touched me first.' (Er...we are talking about a 44- year-old and a 12-year-old). Next, the daughter ruffled my hair (painfully set in place fifteen minutes prior and rebrushed in the car before getting off) to show me how she had been 'touched'. Then the lord and master of the family ruffled what was left of my hair, to tell me how he had 'been touched first' ! All this in flaming seriousness and risen voices, both staring at each other with war written in their eyes !

I stood in the middle like a statue - looked from left to right with my eyeballs rolling, then stared at myself into the mirror in front of me, in mock shock ! Just my facial expression did it......there were peals of laughter all around, as mamma was the joker, with hair as if, straight out of bed ! The elevator door opened and we were outside our hosts' apartment !

How I love these moments ! Do you feel the warmth I feel ?.....Dont fool yourself. You know exactly where I am coming from.

Upbringing with Humour - Humor in life : A critical lifeskill Part 1

Given the typical lifestyle of the global citizen (we are all the same, irrespective of our country, race or language) and its stress content (which is built-in by default today), can we imagine even one day of life without stress ? Whether you are driving (bunched up muscles) or talking on the phone (the mind ticking with the list of pending chores and how much you will manage to complete today) or even playing with your child (this too has a time limit, even on a sunday, as 'sleep' needs to be incorporated into the sunday schedule, and wait a moment...the sleep content of the day also has a time-limit !) Phew ! Do you realise how much stress we are adding to our already overflowing basket ?

So, assuming that the inflow of stress is not going to reduce, lets deal with the outflow....so that the basket always has enough space and you never allow it to reach tipping point (read breakdown levels in whatever form). Is there a formula for ongoing stress release ? Of course, there are many....you will hear of walking, exercise, yoga, meditation and so on. However the best solution I have found, which can be used every day without allotting any special time to it, is HUMOUR !

No, I do not mean join a laughing club which suggests forced laughter. I am suggesting humour motivated smiles, giggles, grins and laughs. There is a lighter side to everything. If you have to deal with a problem, you have to deal with it. There is a less stressful way to do that.....walk that path. Have you ever tried diffusing a fight (when it reaches the peak of intensity and emotions are charged) with a dash of humour ? Have you witnessed the immediate fall and vanishing of stress levels ?

Try it with your kids today. At every age. Be it a mildly sarcastic statement about a situation, be it a facial expression, make humour your mantra and serious conversation the exception. Be the always grinning, always light-hearted always 'cool' parent. Loosen up guys ! Why add the spondylosis, cervicals, slip discs, migranes to your already crammed life ? Just take it easy. The problems will still come and go.............change your method of dealing with it.

Children are the first to respond to this change of attitude. Have you read 'Fatherhood' by Bill Cosby ? Buy your copy today. This is one man who has sailed through life laughing and making others laugh. Its light, an easy-read and you will relate to every word.

If your 9-year-old son comes to you, a day after you have finished executing a detailed birthday party for him, one you have been planning for two months.........and says 'Mom, Can I have another party next saturday, just like the one we had yesterday, for the 30 boys who I did not call because we could not accomodate so many in the house at one time ?' Er.....Adjust your expression....quickly...I can see it even as you read.......lighten up.......what could you say ? ' Well of course Adnan, its just that I'm moving to Bolognesia tomorrow'.

Two possible questions from him :

1. 'Moving to ...? Meaning you are not coming back ?'

2. 'Where is Bolognesia ?'.

Answers you can try :

1. 'Of course, I'll come back, as soon as you have finished with all your birthday parties for the year !'

2. ' Sweetie, its the land of Spaghetti Bolognaise, where children's birthday parties are prohibited by law.'

I can promise you, the next time he has his friends over and you say you want to sit in his room and 'play with them', he will say.....' Mom, I'm very tempted to move to Bolognesia. I hear, a new law is being introduced there..... !'

Two lessons -

1. You have instilled a sense of humour in him and laid the foundation for his dealing with problems more effectively and

2. Temper outbursts/wail-attacks diffused !

Try it guys, it works.

(In Part-2, we will deal with practical applications of 'Upbringing with humor' for children of different age groups.)

Wonder Moms -BOOM to them !

When our VocaBOOMers give us an unexpected, delightful word we applaud their contribution with a 'BOOM' ! A 'BOOM' in VocaBOOM is a 'thumbs-up sign' coupled with a 'cheers' action ! Every child comes up to the contributing participant, irrespective of his team and gives him a 'BOOM' by forcefully knocking his 'thumbs up' hand against that of the hero ! I would like to dedicate today's blog to a 'Wonder-Mom' I have known and give her a huge 'BOOM' !

WM (Wonder-Mom) suddenly realised, about a year ago, that her daughter was growing up. She suddenly started attending to phone calls from many friends who were 'not girls' ! This was a new phenomenon. There was a lot of school politics being discussed on the phone, a sudden introduction of 'boyfriends' and 'break-ups' to the conversation. All of a sudden, secrets were being discussed and WM was not privy to the 'secrets' ! Things were changing. Her little girl was walking into a new world. WM's first reaction was to panic. What if her baby got into the wrong company ? What if her child lost focus on her studies ? What if her child gave in to peer pressure ? What if her child just wasn't strong enough to handle attention and differentiate between right and wrong ?

So she did the most natural thing, started protecting the child, monitoring her movements and phone calls, showing her irritation at issues being discussed and her inner non-acceptance (and pain) over the fact that she (WM) was not her daughter's prime confidante any longer. How it hurt. The hurt and fears for her child manifested themselves into unpleasant exchanges and a negative atmosphere perceived as 'mistrust' at home.

Till one day, WM introspected calmly and identified what she really wanted for her daughter and herself. It came down to one statement. 'Love, sharing, open communication and and carefree relationship - in other words - a friendship '. What would a friend do in such a situation ? Just be a friend. Not panic, admonish or suspect. Just share it, enjoy it and let it go.

So, as difficult as it was to change her protective tendencies, she decided that she had to let go. After all, she had brought up her child for 14 long years with the values of right and wrong. She had strenghened her character and personality. Her child could identify risk and danger and had learnt to keep her antennae up and alert. Her child just needed minor guidance from time to time and would be able to solve her problems herself. So why not discover the friendship instead ?

WM embarked on a new journey of friendship. Its a long and slow journey, but very rewarding. It's been a year of communication and sharing, and last week, when her child was very low on her birthday, as she and her friends were temporarily not on good terms, it was this WM who organised a surprise party with her daughter's friends, got them to make-up, bought a surprise dress and shoes for her (just what she wanted to wear when out with her friends) and sent them on an evening out together. She took the back seat, hid herself in the background and gave the friends the centre stage as she had nothing to fear. Her daughter was her best friend and she was surprising her. Thats all that mattered. This is the strength of a relationship - where there is no insecurity, there is trust and there is love. Needless to say there is comfortable, freeflowing banter and fun-filled communication. There is friendship. I salute this 'Wonder-Mom'

I will keep returning to the 'Wonder-Moms' series of blogs, as I regularly encounter 'Wonder-Moms'. The efforts and gradual successes of some, bring tears to my eyes and I would love to share them with you. Did anyone say 'parenting' was easy ? Nah ! I don't think anyone in his right mind would dare to say that ! Its a pleasure - yes, it's rewarding - yes, it has its share of pain - as you feel with equal intensity, all your child's fears and hurt; yet, when your child is not a child anymore and becomes your friend, its suddenly fun ! You, as a team, deal with all that comes your way together and it's suddenly not a big deal ! You never lose your child. but you gain a friend....your best friend. However, are you his/her best friend ? Ah..... thats the test ! It takes time for some and happens quickly for others......but it does happen and that's when your relationship is complete for the both of you. Here's to all the wonder moms and to the beautiful relationships they have ! BOOM !

BOOM the Vocab. Enjoy the child !

When I was mulling over names for my vocabulary-enrichment program, I reflected on what I desired to achieve through the program. English, like most languages, has words appropriate to express every sentiment, to describe everything your senses can feel, and to replicate the image you have formed in your mind, perfectly, in the mind of the receiver of the communication. However, the language used by children today is so superficial, so limited, so devoid of expression and more worryingly getting so rapidly diluted, that, in a few generations, man will be totally unable to communicate with one another. I need not elaborate on what lack of communication does to relationships, be it amongst spouses, parent and child, or friends. So I decided to help BOOM the quality of communication between the little children/teenagers and adults of tomorrow, by BOOMing their vocabulary ! Thats what gave birth to VocaBOOM !

I was confident that I could make a child's expressive ability richer, wider and ever-growing. This could be done through an enjoyable experience outside a school curriculum. I asked myself 'Why cant English be made fun ?' The answer came back loud and lucid 'Of course it can. Go ahead and do it. Have fun, create fun, learn, grow and achieve'. I did just that.

The last year has been an extremely satisfying experience. I just dont feel that I am working. I am loving every moment of it. Every little success with a child is a reason for me to celebrate. Every stalled effort is a reason to find a solution. I firmly believe in my life's motto 'Every problem has a solution'. If one doesnt work- another will. Thats what we do at VocaBOOM. If something does not work with a child, we find something that will. And it does.

There is no better age to embark upon vocabulary building than a kindergarten child. As long as you can retain his attention and create a fun-filled atmosphere, he learns. He reciprocates every smile you give him. He in turn, gives you his trust, affection and his own special little anecdotes. When I walk into a class, I may be tired, in need of rest, overworked. After a class, I am rejunenated, happy, at peace and feel so loved. I reciprocate the love I receive. You can't but just do that. Its so infectious and so sincere.

The 6-9 year olds have so much to share with you. They relate every word you teach them to their little experiences and narrate them to you. Its immensely difficult to cut some of their animated stories short, to return to the day's syllabus. I just adore them. Their enthusiasm and expressive faces touch you. You could converse with them forever !

The 10-14 year-olds - ah the preteens and teens ! Eager faces, but willing to respect you only if you challenge them. To find subjects they are willing to debate upon passionately and teach them vocabulary through the exercise....hmmm...a challenging task ! However, once I've connected with them, they are by far my favourites ! The intelligence that their eyes sparkle with, almost makes you hear their brains humming. It is fun to watch them keep pace with you every step of the way, sometimes move ahead and you start keeping pace ! Their contribution to the session is stimulating, as is watching their little hard-disks rearranging, processing and presenting original combinations and application of words, phrases and ideas. They keep learning - I keep learning.

Children are so direct in their approach to everything, be it an instant expression on a 6 year old's face or an volley of words straight form the heart of a 13 year old. How I love being with them ! How I love their 'pure positivity' and contagious energy ! Children are our biggest stressbusters !

No lesson here - Just - Enjoy your children. They grow up too quick. Too, too quick.

Vocabulary to VocaBOOM your child's self-esteem

The other day, I taught the word 'UNIQUE' to 6 and 7-year-olds. I asked each one, what they felt was unique about them. Many interesting answers followed, mostly from what they had 'heard' as praise. Praise - not from just anyone, but received from a parent.

Praise from a parent is lapped up, digested and stuck firmly in every cell of the child's mind, every beat of the child's heart. This has to be heard only once. The impact it has, is larger than Willy Wonka's chocolate factory for Charlie.

Yet, one child told me in very matter-of-factly that what was unique about him was that 'there was no child dumber than him.' The momentum of my class and its positivity was suddenly arrested. Try as I did, I could not casually ignore that statement, as it just hit my heart like a dart does a dartboard. I could not stop myself from asking him 'Why would you say that ? I dont think you are dumb at all'. He answered, 'My father says that to me all the time.' He continued 'Do you know, I am also the most clumsy child in the country ? I have two unique points.' No points to guess where he got that from.

My blood was boiling. As it always does when I come across an episode like this. I have to confess that these occasions are not rare. The stories are different, the reaction of the child is different.......the cause is the same. The parent. I ask you parents, have you any idea of the power of your words ? The vocabulary you use and the way you word your sentences when you speak to your child, can make all the difference between a confident and a diffident child. Do you want to raise a self-dependent child, with 'inner strength' reflecting in his approach to life ? Or a child who has low self esteem and in his mind feels, that he can never measure up to anyone. Are you raising a winner or a loser ?

Check your words. Weigh them. Every negative sentence repeated sticks to the child's insides and he starts believing it. His little mind tells him 'If Mamma/Papa says I am weak in math, I am definitely weak in math.' He will not even try to be better, simply because he is certain that he is 'weak'. His parents could not possibly be wrong. He sinks further into dejection. He gets even weaker in math. He proves your words correct.

On the other hand, even if you know that your daughter is not at all pretty, yet, you always praise her personality, her attitude, her strength of character and her attractive looks, she will believe in her beauty. Her belief will reflect in her confident walk, style and behavior, which will make her very attractive. Your powerful words, the vocabulary you used to create the picture of herself in her mind; and her belief in what you said, will make her beautiful. Had you compared her with traditionally pretty girls and brought to the fore her disadvantages, you could have raised a child with low self-esteem and consequently, a probable recluse. Such is your position of power.

You are all powerful. You are a magician. You are God. You are a parent.

VocaMAGIC Lesson No. 1 : Positivity is the essence of character-building. Positive reinforcement can work miracles. You are the magician.

Mother Monkey

The Monkey Lesson Number 1 forms the basis of the VocaBOOM program. We use words in the classroom session and teach application with situations the child can connect the word with. We then handover the reinforcement of the word to the parent, who uses the word in casual conversation throughout the week. That's where Monkey Lesson No. 1 takes over. The parent does not ask the child the word and meaning. H/she just uses the word - amongst spouses, amongst friends, amongst family members. The child emulates. The word becomes part of his vocabulary bank.

This is part of our 'nurturing' method of teaching. The teacher nurtures and gently introduces the word. The parent nurtures and gently embeds the word in the child's vocabulary.

Last weekend, I was watching some 'monkey business' on the wall across my building. A mother monkey hopped on, with a banana in hand. In seconds, she gulped down the whole of it. Then, she peeled a second banana, leaving the skin of the first one next to her. Her child hopped onto the wall and sat next to her, looking longingly at the banana she was eating. He gestured, that he wanted part of it. She gestured back, that he should eat the skin of the earlier banana, lying next to her. He smelled it, realised there was nothing in it to eat and gestured to his mother again, that he wanted the banana being currently eaten. She gave him an angry look and snarl and hopped off the wall.

I was amazed at the complete 'lack of motherly instinct', I found in that exchange. I reflected on what would have happened, had it been a human mother and child. She would have not only shared her banana with her child, but ensured that he had his fill before she continued eating. (I sincerely hope that what I saw was a one-off case of an angry mother monkey, who made up and hugged her baby, and gave him two bananas with love soon after.)

That's what makes us different from the Mother Monkey. Our ability to share. Our ability to selflessly give.

Our children are growing mentally by leaps and bounds. Thats because we sit with our toddlers and give. Give of our love, give of our patience, give of our knowledge. We derive so much satisfaction in every inch of our child's growth - mentally, physically and emotionally. VocaBOOM depends immensely on that 'motherly instinct' in our teachers and parents. Parents who complement our classroom effort at home, by using the words, can see a visible difference in the rate of absorption of words. So lets keep at it parents.........we will definitely be rewarded !

Monkey Lesson No. 2 : Give of your time.Give of your patience. Give of your knowledge. Keep changing the methodology of 'giving'. Make it innovative. Make it playful. Keep giving.

Monkeying around !!

'Hey ! Your outfit's rocking ! Awesome haircut ! You rock ! She's cool !' - I sometimes wonder where my daughter learnt this thought-provoking, inspiring vocabulary from ? This seems to have such an astounding range of applicability, that it can describe almost everything that needs description. I listen to it in the same tone, same voice modulation and same enthusiasm (of course referring to about 150 different things) all day. I have gently tried offering options, ' just to provide some variety', but I was told that they were 'really not necessary'. Anything and everything can be 'rocking' and 'awesome'. Why bother with other words ? They just confuse issues. Life should be simple.

I asked myself, where did she pick this from ? Stupid question. She listens to it all the time. Its hitting her eardrums 24 x 7. She imbibes it so naturally. Had I forgotten that we evolved from monkeys ? Copying comes to us naturally.

Try giving instructions to your child and try just doing what you want done yourself. What do you think will work ? Obviously the latter ! We are awful at receiving instructions. Worse still at executing them. Children of course have the mental make-up which interprets an instruction as 'Firstly does this sentence start with 'dont' ? That means 'Do'. Or wait. Does this sentence start with 'Do ?' Ah, that means 'Dont'.' A teenager looks at a 'dont' sentence with a gleam of challenge in his eyes. 'Dont' to him, most certainly means 'must try and see what happens' !

A two-year-old is no different. Somehow 'No' gets converted to 'Yes, it must be experimented with' in the inbox of his brain !

So what should a parent do ?

Simple. Just do yourself what you want done. Quietly. Watch it being observed. Now the child's mind says 'Why am I not being told to do this ? Why is she doing it ? It must be fun. I should also do it.'

Job done. Mission accomplished.

So, Monkey Lesson No. 1 : 'Do. Make no issue of it. Watch it being emulated.'

The most painless way of getting your point across. Works for any age group.