The other day, I taught the word 'UNIQUE' to 6 and 7-year-olds. I asked each one, what they felt was unique about them. Many interesting answers followed, mostly from what they had 'heard' as praise. Praise - not from just anyone, but received from a parent. Praise from a parent is lapped up, digested and stuck firmly in every cell of the child's mind, every beat of the child's heart. This has to be heard only once. The impact it has, is larger than Willy Wonka's chocolate factory for Charlie.
Yet, one child told me in very matter-of-factly that what was unique about him was that 'there was no child dumber than him.' The momentum of my class and its positivity was suddenly arrested. Try as I did, I could not casually ignore that statement, as it just hit my heart like a dart does a dartboard. I could not stop myself from asking him 'Why would you say that ? I dont think you are dumb at all'. He answered, 'My father says that to me all the time.' He continued 'Do you know, I am also the most clumsy child in the country ? I have two unique points.' No points to guess where he got that from.
My blood was boiling. As it always does when I come across an episode like this. I have to confess that these occasions are not rare. The stories are different, the reaction of the child is different.......the cause is the same. The parent. I ask you parents, have you any idea of the power of your words ? The vocabulary you use and the way you word your sentences when you speak to your child, can make all the difference between a confident and a diffident child. Do you want to raise a self-dependent child, with 'inner strength' reflecting in his approach to life ? Or a child who has low self esteem and in his mind feels, that he can never measure up to anyone. Are you raising a winner or a loser ?
Check your words. Weigh them. Every negative sentence repeated sticks to the child's insides and he starts believing it. His little mind tells him 'If Mamma/Papa says I am weak in math, I am definitely weak in math.' He will not even try to be better, simply because he is certain that he is 'weak'. His parents could not possibly be wrong. He sinks further into dejection. He gets even weaker in math. He proves your words correct.
On the other hand, even if you know that your daughter is not at all pretty, yet, you always praise her personality, her attitude, her strength of character and her attractive looks, she will believe in her beauty. Her belief will reflect in her confident walk, style and behavior, which will make her very attractive. Your powerful words, the vocabulary you used to create the picture of herself in her mind; and her belief in what you said, will make her beautiful. Had you compared her with traditionally pretty girls and brought to the fore her disadvantages, you could have raised a child with low self-esteem and consequently, a probable recluse. Such is your position of power.
You are all powerful. You are a magician. You are God. You are a parent.
VocaMAGIC Lesson No. 1 : Positivity is the essence of character-building. Positive reinforcement can work miracles. You are the magician.
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