When our VocaBOOMers give us an unexpected, delightful word we applaud their contribution with a 'BOOM' ! A 'BOOM' in VocaBOOM is a 'thumbs-up sign' coupled with a 'cheers' action ! Every child comes up to the contributing participant, irrespective of his team and gives him a 'BOOM' by forcefully knocking his 'thumbs up' hand against that of the hero ! I would like to dedicate today's blog to a 'Wonder-Mom' I have known and give her a huge 'BOOM' !
WM (Wonder-Mom) suddenly realised, about a year ago, that her daughter was growing up. She suddenly started attending to phone calls from many friends who were 'not girls' ! This was a new phenomenon. There was a lot of school politics being discussed on the phone, a sudden introduction of 'boyfriends' and 'break-ups' to the conversation. All of a sudden, secrets were being discussed and WM was not privy to the 'secrets' ! Things were changing. Her little girl was walking into a new world. WM's first reaction was to panic. What if her baby got into the wrong company ? What if her child lost focus on her studies ? What if her child gave in to peer pressure ? What if her child just wasn't strong enough to handle attention and differentiate between right and wrong ?
So she did the most natural thing, started protecting the child, monitoring her movements and phone calls, showing her irritation at issues being discussed and her inner non-acceptance (and pain) over the fact that she (WM) was not her daughter's prime confidante any longer. How it hurt. The hurt and fears for her child manifested themselves into unpleasant exchanges and a negative atmosphere perceived as 'mistrust' at home.
Till one day, WM introspected calmly and identified what she really wanted for her daughter and herself. It came down to one statement. 'Love, sharing, open communication and and carefree relationship - in other words - a friendship '. What would a friend do in such a situation ? Just be a friend. Not panic, admonish or suspect. Just share it, enjoy it and let it go.
So, as difficult as it was to change her protective tendencies, she decided that she had to let go. After all, she had brought up her child for 14 long years with the values of right and wrong. She had strenghened her character and personality. Her child could identify risk and danger and had learnt to keep her antennae up and alert. Her child just needed minor guidance from time to time and would be able to solve her problems herself. So why not discover the friendship instead ?
WM embarked on a new journey of friendship. Its a long and slow journey, but very rewarding. It's been a year of communication and sharing, and last week, when her child was very low on her birthday, as she and her friends were temporarily not on good terms, it was this WM who organised a surprise party with her daughter's friends, got them to make-up, bought a surprise dress and shoes for her (just what she wanted to wear when out with her friends) and sent them on an evening out together. She took the back seat, hid herself in the background and gave the friends the centre stage as she had nothing to fear. Her daughter was her best friend and she was surprising her. Thats all that mattered. This is the strength of a relationship - where there is no insecurity, there is trust and there is love. Needless to say there is comfortable, freeflowing banter and fun-filled communication. There is friendship. I salute this 'Wonder-Mom'
I will keep returning to the 'Wonder-Moms' series of blogs, as I regularly encounter 'Wonder-Moms'. The efforts and gradual successes of some, bring tears to my eyes and I would love to share them with you. Did anyone say 'parenting' was easy ? Nah ! I don't think anyone in his right mind would dare to say that ! Its a pleasure - yes, it's rewarding - yes, it has its share of pain - as you feel with equal intensity, all your child's fears and hurt; yet, when your child is not a child anymore and becomes your friend, its suddenly fun ! You, as a team, deal with all that comes your way together and it's suddenly not a big deal ! You never lose your child. but you gain a friend....your best friend. However, are you his/her best friend ? Ah..... thats the test ! It takes time for some and happens quickly for others......but it does happen and that's when your relationship is complete for the both of you. Here's to all the wonder moms and to the beautiful relationships they have ! BOOM !
